Lost in transit

It gets complicated, doesn't it. My daughters have dual citizenship and consider themselves both American and Austrian, not half of either. Besides the Austrian holidays, we celebrate Thanksgiving. Christmas is celebrated on Christmas eve, when the "Christkind" comes, and on the morning of the 25th, when Santa Claus brings more presents, primarily those shipped by relatives in the States. We were also the first on our block to celebrate Hallowe'en, although that is now widely celebrated in Austria (not our fault).

Languages have been the toughest for us, I suppose. We decided from the beginning to raise the kids bilingual, but that proved more easily said than done. When our first daughter was born, we were living in Tokyo and most people spoke English to us, and her, so we spoke German at home. After we moved to Austria, we wanted to speak English with her, or at least I did, but we were staying with my wife's parents for the first 2-3 years until we got our house complete enough to inhabit, so that was tough.

In our own house, I managed to do a better job and spoke English between 50% and 75% of the time, but my daughter always answered in German. I didn't know until we visited relatives in the US whether she could actually speak it, but she had no problem.

Now, since the girls have figured out they have better chances of getting what they want from me if they ask in English, and since the little one is so good about speaking it with me, and since the big one has figured out it's an advantage for her in school, we're up to 80% or more.

I've often given this subject a lot of thought, although there are no kids to be found as of yet. I imagine that I'll end up doing most of the english speaking, and David and everyone else around will take care of the french part, but... even as just a duo, we don't really work that way. most of the time, I speak in french, and it's not that odd for me to ask David something in french, only to have him reply in english.

and of course, the "franglais" I go into when I can't find the word for something, mid-french phrase.

any future children of ours are just screwed. heh

a few weeks before my eldest was born, a leading dutch newspaper carried a story about research into bilinguality in children, and they presented figures which suggested that children raised with two languages speak both less than fluently. (i've since seen studies claiming the opposite, but what can i say: i was in a very susceptible state..) so, since we had no plans to move to canada, and since, selfishly, i knew that my own dutch would only become fluent if i forced myself to speak it ALL the time, we raised our two in "nederlands". they are now young adults, and they are both completely bilingual these days, no thanks to me, but thanks to high school, television, pop music, internet, and the superiority of books read in their original language. (the only truly regrettable side to our decision way-back-when became clear during those yearly family visits, when "oma & opa canada" needed my help in communicating with their grandchildren..)

Mig, I was sorry to drop Thanksgiving, but I couldn't find any decent turkey here and so whenever we go to the states, my family has a Thanksgiving dinner for us.

With Christmas, it gets more complicated, as the Dutch have the night of St.Nicholas in early December which is when gifts are exchanged. Traditionally ( although this is changing) Christmas Eve and Christmas day are more of a religious holiday- no gifts. I'm afraid I couldn't give up Christmas Eve, and so now we have two gift-giving holidays in December. But everyone gets lots of socks, underwear and new mittens.

Kim, it's the mixing of the two languages which is the hardest thing for me to stop them from doing. That's why I push every year for a month long vacation in the States: to straighten out their bad habits.

I often feel like the language gestapo.

Lynn, I wondered how you had done it. I knew that eventually the children would learn English in school but I wanted them to be able to communicate with my family. They are the only grandchildren my parents have or ever will have. I couldn't stand the idea that they couldn't build up a relationship with each other from day one.

What do your children consider their mother tongue- just curious.

i think thijs considers dutch to be his native language, but marieke - especially having just spent 8 months in canada doing her practical training and living with her grandmother - feels equally comfortable in both. i actually LOST some of my proficiency in english during my years as a stay-at-home mother (to the horror of my family, me having studied journalism and all), but have been able to find my words again since i've been working, and since trying to meet the demands for fluency on the website..

I find myself turning to Han on a nearly daily basis, asking him ' What's that thing called in English ?'.

He, on the other hand, very often turns to me and asks what some thing is in Dutch.

Perhaps it's an age thing...

What a wonderful topic - one close to my heart, as my French husband and I will be faced with this in a year or two.

A collegue of mine is Spanish, as is her husband, and they both live here in France. They speak ENTIRELY in Spanish at home - no French except for the kids homework and the television. Bedtime stories, instructions, everything else is in Spanish. Then the kids "live" French at school, and twice a week go for Spanish classes to make sure that their writing is up to scratch.

I think this is the way we'll do it. From other experiences that I've heard, where one parent speaks one language, and the other speaks another, it's a bit difficult. I suspect that it's a matter of BOTH parents speaking one language, and only one language at home.

But again, that may be easier said than done ;)

I was very determined when Rebecca, our daughter was born, to make sure she would be bilingual. So the first four years of her life, I spoke only English to her. When she started school however, it was different to how I expected. She started speaking Dutch, and, as try as I might, I couldn't have a fluent conversation in two different languages, her in Dutch and me in English. So, being pragmatic (:lazy) we switched to Dutch. To be honest, it was also better for me to speak Dutch all the time. Still do. We did try to make sure however that she kept up her English with lots of trips to England (which of course is just an hour away on the plane). She even went on her own once when she was eight. Anyway, her English is fine (she's now 12), my Dutch is fine and it worked for us.

I'm not in a situation like yours, living in my country of birth but we (my beloved being Polish) are. We don't have any children, but I couldn't imagine us having children and them not being able to speak Polish. Because of relatives overthere, because I wish I could and simply because you should be able to speak as many languages as possible. But I can imagine it's extremely hard. On the other hand, we know a fair number of Polish/Dutch children who have learned both languages, so it must be possible. Of course, Polish has the added advantage of being a secret language in most parts of the world, which English hasn't, where English is a lot more practical to know.

I always find it interesting to hear thoughts and experiences regarding raising bilingual children. Among other things, it confirms my belief that there is no one, correct way to do it.

I have to confess, though, that when I hear that cliché about how easily young children learn languages I simply grind my teeth.

Children are lazy. Or practical, rather. Once they realise that both parents understand one language, they no longer perceive a need to use more than just that one language. Unless there's added motivation to speak the language that isn't standard for their immediate surroundings - for instance a playgroup with other children bilingual in that language - then most children won't feel the need to use more than one language. It just makes no sense to them.

Aren't we adults the same, though? Don't we find things easier to do when we can see how it will be to our own advantage?

David- it's funny that you use the word 'lazy'. I do notice that they grab whatever word comes to mind first, irregardless of what language it is. I've always thought ( mostly to myself. I think) that trying to get them to use two languages was a lot like dealing with a child that has 'lazy eye': there is always one which is stronger at the moment, and they tend to use that one, neglecting the other. Trying to keep both languages at the same level is where I find the struggle.

j-a,interesting to hear 'the other side' of the story !

Sue - from what I've heard and read, it's incredibly rare for bilinguals to speak both languages at the same level. Apparently one language will almost always be dominant. I suppose that makes sense, really.

A friend of mine has a mother who was obsessed with bringing up her daughters bilingually in the UK, which meant always speaking to them in Swedish, even when their friends were present. She succeeded, but her daughters felt screwed up in the process.

I suppose there must be a fine line between trying to do what will be the most beneficial for your children in the long-run, and treating them as an experiement. I once heard of an Englishman with an English wife, who decided that he'd always speak to his son in French (which he taught at a school). Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick!

Ha ! David, you are quite diplomatic ! While I do want the children to speak two languages, I also want them to have good manners : I find it very rude to speak a language that someone else - who is present- doesn't understand ! So their friends get to hear my god-awful Dutch !

Sue, I totally agree!

What strikes me is the number of times I've met parents from different language backgrounds who've felt ashamed that their children aren't bilingual. Such feelings seem to be triggered because they notice how some other people often think they've failed somehow if their children aren't bilingual. That's a real pity, though, as they have nothing to feel ashamed of. The fact is that unless there's a real stimulus from all sorts of regular sources to speak both languages, then it's incredibly difficult to bring up children bilingually. And when it comes down to it, the most important thing is, of course, that the children grow up feeling loved, which is irrespective of language! :-)

This is a cool site, I'll be back!

Keep up the good work.

This is an interesting topic. I grew up for about 4 years in Germany and was 7 when I went there. I learned German in the school yard and quickly became bi-lingual. My Sister and bother struggled and were sent to English Speaking Schools as a result.

The thing is - learning two languages has made my brain - for want of a better word - stretchy for other languages - French ( just for the hell of it) and Latin - for school etc.

I suspect too that kids are born copers - and just deal with the situations they are presented with.